What Is The Design Of Sex In Marriage?
Sex is a gift that God has given to a married couple to enjoy. It is an expression of their marriage covenant—to live their life together and never to be broken apart. Sex is also essential to sustain the marriage covenant and have a healthy marriage.
Sex Is The Expression Of The Marriage Covenant
- When two individuals get married they become one unit—meaning that every part of their lives are intertwined together and never to be broken apart. It is a covenant where you agree to give up your independence and become dependent on your spouse. Sex represents this truth because you vulnerably and intimately give all of yourself—physical, emotional, mental, psychologic, etc—to your spouse (maybe at marriage you have nothing else to give). Therefore, sex is part of fulfilling the covenant and is a frequent reminder of it—that you are living life as one unit through all of life’s changes.
Genesis 2:24-25; Proverbs 2:17
- Sex is exclusively for those in a marriage covenant—all other sexual activity is a breach of this covenant. God designed sex as a way to unite with and commit to your spouse. Therefore, sex outside of this covenant means that on the surface level you “cleave” and become “one flesh” with someone who is not your spouse and whom you have no commitment to permanently being one unit that is intertwined together. Also, sex outside of marriage is a cycle of uniting and dividing—something that is only harmful to those involved as they vulnerably and intimately give themselves to each other for only a moment. It can lead to physical, emotional and mental problems. For these reasons, sex is held in high esteem and reserved for marriage—when you are ready to totally, perpetually and solely give yourself to your spouse.
1 Corinthians 6:15-20; Hebrews 13:4
Sex Is Essential To Sustain The Marriage Covenant
- Sex is a gift given by you to your spouse. In marriage each spouse has an obligation (due benevolence) to give sex to the other. Each spouse should be willing to offer their bodies to the other spouse so that his/her sexual wants and needs will be fulfilled. Marriage gives the rights to your body for sex to your spouse—which means three things: (1) each spouse doesn’t have the right to use or give his/her body for sex with anyone other than his/her spouse; (2) each spouse is compelled to use his/her body to fulfill his/her spouse’s sexual needs; (3) each spouse doesn’t have the right to look for sex anywhere other than his/her spouse.
1 Corinthians 7:3-4
- Sex within marriage should be frequent. Sex is an important part of a marriage relationship and neither spouse should deny sex or keep the other spouse from obtaining his/her sexual satisfaction within the marriage. The only time that sexual relations should be stopped within the marriage is when both spouses agree for a certain period of time and for a valid reason (focus on fasting, prayer, etc.). Then when the time ends they start having frequent sex again. Any abstinence from sex within marriage means that sexual passions intensify and Satan can use that to tempt them to sin because of their lack of self-control (incontinency) in that moment.
1 Corinthians 7:5
- Sex is for pleasure within marriage and should be enjoyed by both spouses. Song of Solomon is a book of the Bible that records love poems that give us a glimpse into the proper attitude that God wants married couples to have regarding sex in their marriage: to be happy, gratified and content in your spouse. From this and other verses in the Bible, we know that each spouse is to enjoy and take pleasure in his/her spouse’s body—even as his/her body changes over time, he/she is always your standard for beauty and sexual satisfaction.
Proverbs 5:15-20; Song of Solomon 1:2; 2:3, 6; 4:5
- Sex is for procreation—meaning two come together sexually to produce one child from among them. God chose to continue the human race through this process. Note: This is one reason for sex, but it is not the only reason. Some have misunderstood that sex was only for procreation and not for pleasure—this is a wrong view of God’s design for sex.
Genesis 1:28; 4:1
Practical Wisdom, Good Judgment And Common Sense
- Sex is more about giving than it is getting. This means that you should be willing to put your spouse’s sexual needs above your own and see sex as something you can do for him/her. Both sides are focused on pleasing the other—not themselves.
- Sex is more than just a natural desire that needs to be filled however, whenever and with whoever. It is a desire that is to be reserved and fulfilled only in marriage. We are to obey God’s word and not commit fornication—not matter how unreasonable or hard it seems—you choose to worship and obey God, not sex. Ultimately, to avoid sinning sexually longterm, the Bible says to get married.
1 Corinthians 7:2; 10:8
- Sex is not something to be neglected—it isn’t disgusting or gross. You are to know that it is something that was created by God for your pleasure within the marriage covenant.
- Lust, pornography and fantasizing about sexual activities is also a breach of the marriage covenant because it is fornication. Emotionally and mentally you are sinning against God and your spouse. You are to not dwell on wrong thoughts when they come.
Matthew 5:27-28; Mark 7:21-23; Philippians 4:8
- Sex outside of marriage might give you instant gratification, but it also might give you lasting problems, such as: sexual transmitted diseases or pregnancies outside of wedlock—which often leads to single mothers, abandoned/unwanted children or abortion. It could also lead to divorce—God hates divorce. He never sanctions it in the Bible, but He does allow it for fornication.
Matthew 19:3-9; Malachi 2:16
- Overcoming Sexual Sin: (1) If you had sex before marriage, outside of marriage or you are addicted to pornography you need to repent of your sexual sin. (2) Know that God will completely forgive you. (3) Embrace God’s design for sex—start living in obedience to it.
- Sexual Abuse or Assault is any sexual activity forced on another without their consent or by abuse of authority. Maybe you were sexually abused as a child, teenager or an adult. You are a victim. But as a believer you no longer have to feel worthless, rejected or bitter because God is willing to accept you as your are. Allow the Holy Spirit to heal your wound and don’t let it cause a lack of trust in your marriage or a bad attitude towards sex.
- What is the expression of the marriage covenant? Why?
- Why is sex is exclusively for those in a marriage covenant?
- What is essential to sustain the marriage covenant? Why?
- What is sex for?
- What is some practical wisdom regarding sex?